Army Of Darkness (1992)

By Cale Patterson aka Married2Horror

Written by Sam Raimi, Ivan Raimi

Directed by Sam Raimi

Cast: Bruce Campbell, Embeth Davidtz

Let me take you back to somewhere in the mid to late 80s, where little me is watching a movie I have no business watching... The Evil Dead. To my recollection, the house we lived in, on Guam, was almost like a museum in that everything seemed made of stone. The walls were a vast sea of cool to the touch, white painted concrete, and our living room had a sizable television recessed high up in that blank, bumpy, cold walling.

One night, I was sitting alone on the patterned couch, and the table lamp at my side was flooding the living room with bright light, leaving no shadows. Looking up and feeling small, I realized the tv was on. I can’t tell you why I don’t remember any of the horrific scenes that preceded this one, but…

There’s a twisted hag of a lady with milky white eyes peeking out from under a clumsily locked trap door in the floor. I clamp my eyes shut, but it’s no use. I can still see her! What’s worse is that she can totally crawl through the gap of that stupid door.

Now I’m not advocating for watching The Evil Dead, because... aw, hell naw. What I am saying though is that Army Of Darkness (technically Evil Dead 3) is definitely Horror Curiosa worthy because it’s slapstick, action horror. And because, Ash. Wins. Costume. Contests. He’s a lovable scamp, and Bruce Campbell in the blue torn shirt and a chainsaw for a hand is a winner for a reason.

The Plot:

Ash and some buddies (including his girlfriend) vacation at a cabin in the woods. Demonic forces called Deadites are awakened and proceed to infect everyone for world domination. Only Ash seems equipped and foolhardy enough to resist them, until he gets jettisoned to the past. Can he find a way to defeat this necrotic evil and return home to his time?

Do yourself a favor and Shop Smart, Shop S-Mart. Yes, there is over the top gore, and some tinges of body horror, but the comedy will see you through. Go watch Army Of Darkness, and after your hundredth viewing, and some foolhardy notions, maybe try The Evil Dead.

Army Of Darkness

1992 * 96 Min * Rated R

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SCARY STORIES TO TELL IN THE DARK (2019)

by Cale Patterson AKA Married2Horror

Written by Dan and Kevin Hageman

Directed Guillermo del Toro

Cast: Zoe Colletti, Michael Garza, Dean Norriis

It’s nearing the end of summer some years ago, when Scary Stories To Tell In The Dark was released. You better believe Ricky and the boys (our 2 older kiddos, Derek and Caleb) were in the theaters for its debut. Although it sported a PG-13 rating, the trailers I saw gave me the impression that this was going to be too intense for myself and our youngest at 8 years old, Niobi. It turns out I was only half right. When the movie became available on streaming, she completely blew past me and my very limited horror ceiling. Graciously, after her multiple viewings, she sat with me during the brightness of day for my first watch, and here’s what I have to say about it.

The Plot:

On All Hallows’ Eve, a group of teenagers visit the supposedly haunted Bellows House. They release something sinister, which manifests itself through a storybook and proceeds to pick them off, one by one.

At the time, I was unaware this was based on a children’s book of the same name written by Alvin Schwartz and illustrated by Stephen Gammell. I have since read and highly recommend it. Gammell’s striking and eerie imagery was incorporated into the film adaptation.

The setting of small-town America, during the late 60s is charming, and contrasts well with the undertone horror of the Vietnam War’s impact throughout the movie. It is set up almost like an anthology, since the characters each have a story. And the use of their monsters and special effects is impeccable, delivering great scares and some “aw hell naw” moments. So, secure yourself a strong constituted person to hide behind, in my case the 8 year old, and watch (and read), Scary Stories To Tell In The Dark!

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Scary Stories To Tell In The Dark

2019 * 108 Min * Rated PG-13

CAT’S EYE (1985)

By Cale Patterson aka Married2Horror

Written by Stephen King

Directed Lewis Teague

Cast: Drew Barrymore, Alan King, Robert Hayes

You guys… I was bamboozled! I was talked into watching Alien: Romulus in the theater. "Oh, it’ll be fine", they said. "It’s more sci-fi and less horror", they said. Yet, here I shiver, still thinking about what I went through. And since I care for each and every one of you, I’ve decided to dial it back in intensity. Mostly, because I think my judgment is broken, at least for the time being, I present for your horror curious viewing pleasure Cat’s Eye.

The Plot:

An anthology from the mind of Stephen King. We follow a furry feline friend being called upon for a mysterious purpose and witness his encounters along the way. The first is a man with a nasty habit he’s trying to kick, and the lengths a company will go to help him achieve it. Second, is an all or nothing betting duel that just might push you over the edge. Then finally, a little girl in distress needs a champion to battle a fantastical intruder.

Yes, going back to basics because you can’t go wrong with something from the 80s and it has the best cat actors ever! They used 12 different kitties to portray one, and director Lewis Teague was able to accomplish some pretty hair-raising shots. The humans were ok, I guess. Just kidding! Drew Barrymore was cute as a button, playing multiple roles. The special effects are impressive, adding a great amount of thrills and alarm to each story. Be forewarned, animal violence is depicted, but thankfully it’s all movie magic. As a whole, this is just what the doctor ordered…a nice low key horror film to calm my nerves after seeing a stampede of facehuggers shivers. You too, should settle down with Cat’s Eye.

Cat's Eye

1985 * 94 Min * Rated PG-13

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Pitch Black (2000)

by Cale Patterson aka Married2Horror

Written by Ken and Jim Wheat

Directed by David Twohy

Cast: Vin Diesel, Keith David, Radha Mitchell, Cole Hauser

After Y2K didn’t spell certain doom for the humans, a flood of wannabes from the sci-fi and horror genres kept filmgoers busy, watching the endless ways the universe could be perilous. One of those movies that doesn’t get a lot of love, but should, is Pitch Black.

The Plot:

In the distant future, a passenger space vessel is knocked off course and crash lands on a hostile planet. Among the survivors is a convicted murderer and his transport guard. Tensions are high when the convict escapes and people turn up missing, but is there something out there more worrisome than this killer? You bet Vin Diesel’s sweet muscular ass there is!

Sadly, I didn’t get to watch said sweet ass in theaters, but even back then on my 20 inch “fat, but flat screen” tv, I could tell this was gonna be a rotation regular. The lore presented was simple, but highly effective. And although this is definitely a sci-fi movie, the horror is well executed. You become aware of the slasher-esque undertones in the form of gore and hunter vs hunted, but it adds surprising and welcomed depth. The Australian shooting locations were striking, lending credence to the isolation of a feral planet. Special effects for the time hold up well, and it’s got a kinetic feeling akin to Road Warrior. Each of the actors is brilliantly cast, from veteran Keith David to then newcomers Cole Hauser and Vin Diesel, all giving memorable dialog delivery, which always impresses me with every viewing. So give Alien Lite aka Pitch Black a try; it’s an excellent example of “Hey! You spilled some horror on my sci-fi!”

Pitch Black

2000 * 108 Min * Rated R

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JOHN CARPENTER'S THE THING (1982)

By Cale Patterson aka Married2Horror

Written by Bill Lancaster & John W. Campbell Jr.

Directed by John Carpenter

Cast: Kurt Russell, Wilford Brimley, Keith David, Donald Moffat

It was about 2 years into our marriage, and Ricky had been doing a great job curating my horror movie journey thus far. Then the "Tarman Incident" happened, and anytime he had a zombie movie in hand, it was a firm “aw hell naw” from me. He was forced to switch gears for that foreseeable future, hence my arrival to the “Horror-via-Science-Fiction” era.

This included movies I was already aware of like the Alien franchise, Tremors, and The Faculty, then the not-so-familiar ones like Cube, and Pitch Black. In due time, some of these will make it to Horror Curiosa, because they’re hella good! And speaking of hella good, I feel like it was during the summer when Ricky presented John Carpenter’s The Thing. There was an uncomfortable dichotomy between the Virginia summer sun pouring through the window and the eerie chill I was experiencing while watching this movie.

The Plot: In Antarctica, some Norwegians in a helicopter relentlessly pursue a husky dog to a neighboring American research station. After the altercation, and confused by their erratic behavior, the Americans visit the Norwegian research outpost to seek answers... and discover they have been infiltrated by a dangerous organism of unknown origin.

The horror elements in The Thing are intense! So, feel free to shut those eyeballs when needed, but the awe inspiring heavy handed practical gore effects are necessary to evoke our emotion alongside the actors. And those actors! Every one of them are superb in their role, and I’d argue that for every squirmy, messy scare, there’s an actor making you cheer for or against them. The thing about The Thing (hehehe) is it’s a timeless story about human interaction and paranoia. Check out the original story written in 1938 by John W. Campbell Jr. titled Who Goes There?...

After you watch the 1982 movie, of course.

John Carpenter's The Thing

1982 * 109 Min * Rated R

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THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT (1999)

By Cale Patterson aka Married2Horror

Written & Directed by Daniel Myrick and Eduardo Miguel Sánchez

Cast: Heather Donahue, Michael C. Williams, Joshua Leonard 

Since discovering video games at a young age, I learned to discern reality from make believe fairly quickly, thanks in part to my difficult upbringing. Now knowing this about me, you can imagine the distress I was caused when my cousin C J wanted me to join him and his buddy Tolya in a theater, to watch... (insert ominous music) The Blair Witch Project. This was at the height of the “based on a true story” craze, with all of its fledgling internet shenanigans and whispered lore of unnatural things, mind you.

Three fellow film students head into the wilderness of Maryland to investigate the legend of The Blair Witch. Armed only with camping gear and their hand-held cameras, they hope to create a documentary with their findings, and oh do they find things! Thankfully not gore though, so rest assured. But make no mistake, The Blair Witch Project is most definitely horror, and I place it on the “watch if you made it past Signs” end of the genre. Directed by duo Daniel Myrick and Eduardo Sánchez. One of the first of its kind, found footage films has a gritty realism that helps portray a sense of "not scripted, not fiction".

Meanwhile, in a theater a long, long time ago, my cousin and his friend decided they needed to space themselves away from each other and from me. So, really, I watched this unsettling guerilla-style movie all by myself, nobody within five seats of me and questioning whether or not the things I’ve seen would ever be scrubbed from the databanks of my mind. Uncool, Cuzzo!

Cut to today: Although it was disturbing at the time and made me feel dirty with fright, because of the supernatural hype (I love rhyme time! Hehehe), looking back I realize I actually enjoyed that moment. So go watch this movie and test your mettle, but in a comfortable and safe space, preferably with snacks and possibly company.

But not my cousin C J…

Or his buddy, Tolya.

The Blair Witch Project

1999 * 81 Min * Rated R

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Lake Placid

1999 * 82 Min * Rated R

LAKE PLACID (1999)

By Cale Patterson aka Married2Horror

Directed by Steve Miner   Written by David E. Kelley

Cast: Bridget Fonda, Bill Pullman, Oliver Platt, Betty White

I remember watching Lake Placid, just not the when, the where, or the with whom parts. And, after some deliberation with the hubby, we narrowed down the time frame to “Pre-Ricky Era”.

Shocked?

Me too!

Apparently, I’ve watched some horror movies before my marriage to my “all about the horror genre” partner. A few of them, to be exact. A fact that still shocks my Ricky. In fact, he gets visibly irate whenever my cousin and I reminisce about seeing John Carpenter’s Halloween. By "reminisce", I mean making heavy breathing noises and laughing maniacally. Those were some hella fun bonding times for us and I refuse to apologize for it!

But I digress…

The Plot: During a routine beaver nest wellness check at a lake in Maine, a scuba diving Fish and Game Officer is attacked by a massive unknown creature. This event sets the stage for our colorful collection of characters to figure out what the creature is and, hopefully, how to stop it.

Although it’s firmly in the “killer animal” category, which is absolutely horror, Lake Placid boasts some delightfully dark humor with wee hits of adventure. The bigger than life characters take themselves seriously, believing every bit of their world. The chemistry and relationships they have with one another are both comical and endearing, giving levity to tense situations that fall just on the right side of “not campy”. This movie works wonderfully as introductory horror, since the gore is more gag-like than gratuitous, and intense events are spaced out. The practical creature effects by award winning Stan Winston Studios are superb and they are still unrivaled in my humble opinion. Everyone brings their A-game with performances deserving of accolades, but my favorite standout character by far is the quirky Mrs. Bickerman, and you’ll get why, once you watch this movie.

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INFLUENCER (2022)

By Cale Patterson aka Married2Horror

Directed by Kurtis David Harder.  Written by Tesh Guttikonda

Cast: Emily Tennant, Rory J. Saper, Sara Canning

Since Ricky and I work together and from home, sometimes he’ll play movies in the background. This would be fine except it has a counterproductive effect on me, making for an interesting work day. I have the sneaking suspicion that he’s aware and happy nonetheless. But there was that one time…

Which leads me to how we ended up watching Influencer.

Saddened because her boyfriend bailed on their trip at the last minute, a young American woman and beauty product influencer named Madison visits Thailand alone. After being in the country for nearly a week and stuck in work mode, she meets another young lady who decides to show her how to properly enjoy and appreciate what this “magical” place has to offer.

For those who may not be “in the know”, a social media influencer is somebody who the consumer masses can look to for advice, reviews, entertainment, etc. and it’s used here as the premise for Madison becoming this story’s prey. There were times where I felt like I was holding my breath because the anticipation was palpable. I’ll admit it can feel like a slow burn, but upon repeat viewings, I noticed the pacing is actually fairly quick. The performances were top notch, these fresh faced (unknown to me) actors had me hook, line, and sinker. From an eerie stare to awkward moments, the entire film has a tight, edge of your seat, “I have a mystery to solve” feeling and the ending, oh that ending! The score was excellent also, and we downloaded a few of the songs. It helps that I habitually walk into Ricky’s “background” movies with no expectations and this one delivered sinister and intense suspense vibes. Such a rare treat!

Influencer

2022 * 92 Min * Rated UR

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SIGNS

By Cale Patterson aka Married2Horror

Directed by M. Night Shyamalan. Written by M. Night Shyamalan.

Cast: Mel Gibson, Joaquin Phoenix, Rory Culkin

Refusing to go on this exploration of the horror genre by myself, I was able to persuade my friend Chris McD and her boys, Sean (13) and Erick (9) to join me for some sporadic horror movie nights. I was excited about curating “entry level” scariness, kind of like what my husband, Ricky does for me... when Chris weaved a tale in which GREMLINS broke her capacity for horror. Furthermore, she’s passed this preference down to her children and I knew I had my work cut out for me. Months later, after multiple discussions with hubby and Niobi (our 13yo) about the McDs and possible horror movie firsts, my mind wandered to M. Night Shyamalan’s SIGNS. A family dealing with grief in a Midwest farming community is confronted with strange otherworldly occurrences, while hearing news reports of the same from around the globe. I felt the small, but effective hits of terror set amongst tragedy, faith, and the fantastical made for a great “gateway horror” experience, and I was right - even though Niobi, who was also watching for the first time, said, “It was pretty good, but not my cup of tea because it didn’t come off as horror-y enough, ya know?” (Sigh. Kids!) There were unparalleled performances and unnerving moments; the pantry scene which, in hindsight, was aesthetically reminiscent of GREMLINS (Whoops sorry Chris!), had the McDs clutching one another. I thoroughly enjoyed my re-watch and was proud of them as they followed this family’s harrowing emotional, sketchy horror journey.

Signs

2002 * 106 Min * Rated PG-13

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Shaun of the Dead

By Cale Patterson aka Married2Horror

Directed by Edgar Wright. Written by Simon Pegg and Edgar Wright.

Cast: Simon Pegg, Nick Frost, Kate Ashfield, Bill Nighy, Penelope Wilton, Lucy Davis and Dylan William Moran.

My husband and I disagree about whether Shaun Of The Dead is horror with comedy elements or comedy with horror elements. Either way, it deserves a spot on this page. Hailing all the way from the UK, it has a special place in my heart since it was a date night theater watch. Normally I would have an adult beverage beforehand, because you know… horror. But I was talked out of it and quickly realized it wasn’t needed, thankfully. Shaun is a man nearing his thirties, barely surviving his everyday life as a son, stepson, boyfriend, and best friend, when a zombie… er… undead apocalypse hits. The makeup effects in this were so good that Simon Pegg, who plays our hero Shaun, had a real-life freakout moment while filming a scene where he’s surrounded by a mob of zombies. The gore is tame by zombie apocalypse standards. The multiple layers of surprise emotional beats make this movie “a slice of fried gold” that any horror newbie could, well, survive.

Shaun Of The Dead

2004 * 99 Min * Rated R

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